Public transport can be one of the most annoying and crowded places known to man at the best of times but there are certain groups of assholes who make the whole experience of public transport even worse.
These people seem to have an uncanny knack of making an already hellish experience the same as having to listen to Tom Cruise.
The Music Lover
You can usually hear the music lover on public transport long before you actually see them. They use headphones with the volume pumped up so loud it manages to shake the windows of the bus.
Why We Hate Them
Firstly the music lover annoys us because the distorted beats from their headphones is still actually loud enough to rumble your bowels. This would not be all that bad but even the best music when it is muffled can be annoying but the music lover always insists on playing tunes of the worst music imaginable.
The worst thing about the music lover is that muffled beat of horrendous music reminds you of that annoying neighbour who you used to live next door to you. The one who would play Barry Manilow whenever she masturbated and boy, did she masturbate a lot.
The Space Hogger
The space hogger is the person you see on public transport who takes up as much space as humanly possible.
Why We Hate Them
The space hogger is hated by most people because they seem to believe that they are so important that they deserve more space than anyone else. They put their feet up on the only empty chair even if they have mud all over their shoes. They may sit on one seat and deliberately lean across another and in extreme cases they even bring numerous bags of shopping along with them to occupy that little bit extra space.
The space hogger is hated because they are saying that they are the most important person on public transport even their shopping bag that they have put on the only free seat on the train is more important than you.
The Shover
You will bump into the shover on every type of public transport imaginable. The shover, or pusher as they are also known, is the traveller who will push their way down the isle of a crowded bus or squeeze themselves on the a train that is clearly already over capacitated.
The pusher can even turn up on a ride on an elevator.
Why We Hate Them
Public transport at the best of times can be a very intimate place especially during rush hour. The shover’s out there make that intimacy all the worse by ramming their way through even the tightest of crowds and that means as you are pushed by them your face is going to get rammed right into that fat guys sweaty arm pit as you fall.
I suppose you should at least be grateful that you are taller as if you were a short person you would have your face shoved into a sweaty groin.
The Eater
The eater is that person who will sit on public transport and start eating food. It is as if their life is so hectic and full that the only possible time they can find to eat is on public transport. If that is not the case it may be possible that they choose to jump on a bus to have their lunch break.
Why We Hate Them
There is a time and a place for everything and that includes eating food. Most normal people understand that if they feel a little peckish while travelling on public transport then it is only a very short wait until they get somewhere appropriate to eat.
The eater has different ideas about this and is perfectly prepared to sit on a bus or train and start eating a full four course meal. If this is not bad enough they always insist on eating food that is difficult to eat at the best of times and that means there is food spilt and left all over the place. Consequently some poor bugger who comes along later will either sit in the remains of a tomato sandwich or slip on some gravy and pierce their groin with their house key as they land.
The icing on the cake is the smell of badly cooked food that the eater leaves in their wake.
The Fighter
I am the first to admit that sometimes others can annoy us when we are crammed into any form of public transport. Having said that I am aware that everyone is probably suffering the same frustration and we all deal with it like adults.
The fighter on public transport seems to forget how to be sensible and is just looking for a fight with anyone over anything. I have seen people fight about everything from accidently knocking into someone to the fact they are from a different race.
The fighter is probably one of the most wide spread of all assholes on public transport and this is proven if you look on YouTube. Some of the most popular videos on the video sharing site feature fighters on public transport.
Why We Hate Them
Fighters may well be the worst type of asshole to grace public transport. It’s not just the fact that we can’t be bothered with watching a royal rumble break out on a train carriage it’s the fact that it spills out and over to everyone.
The fighter quite literally makes public transport resemble a saloon in an old western movie where one guy hits another then everyone in the bar stands up and starts fighting.
Who needs that on their way to a swingers bar?
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