Most people know Arnold Schwarzenegger as one of the greatest action hero’s ever, a hugely successful bodybuilder, and the former governor of California.
With a career as versatile as Arnold’s there is certainly plenty of room for success and failures and not to mention creepiness. And we are not just talking about been exposed for sexually harassing women or humping your peculiar looking house keeper and having a love child with her.
Arnold actually has a whole library of creepy moments.
For those of you who don’t know the movie Collateral Damage is about a fire fighter (Arnie) and his rage fuelled quest to avenge the death of his wife and son who die in a terrorist attack on a US government building.
As we all know Arnold Schwarzenegger is more than just an action hero he is also a serious actor capable of performing the likes of Shakespeare (don’t laugh). To show off Arnold’s serious acting abilities it is important for the movie to create sympathy for his character so the audience can really feel his loss. Obviously this is an easy task for an actor as talented as Arnold Schwarzenegger and can be done by just showing how close he was to his family before they died.
The movie opens Arnie’s character spending time with his son doing the usual sort of things that dad’s do with their sons. We see Arnie sat on the floor with his son making a Lego spaceship just like any other dad. There is nothing weird or creepy with that, right?
Cut scene and we now see Arnie TAKING A SHOWER WITH HIS SON!!!!!!!
What the heck is that all about and how could anyone think it was even a remotely good idea? It is beyond believe that not one single person involved in the production of the movie did not speak up and say, “Excuse me, Mr Schwarzenegger. You do realise that most growing men do not shower with their ten year old son?”
This scene is just wrong in so many ways it is beyond funny.
The Terminator Smile
If you had to think of one acting role that only Arnold Schwarzenegger could do then it would pretty much have to start and end with the Terminator.
The brilliant thing about movies like The Terminator is that it was made in an era before Hollywood felt the need to incorporate humour in every action movie it produced. The problem with humour in an action movie is that is the two just do not go hand in hand and any attempt to combine the two genres leaves you with a movie starring Kermit the Frog seeking revenge against Fozzy Bear for violating Miss Piggy.
A good action movie is meant to be dark and gritty with huge explosions, sweat, blood and tears. If I want humour I will sit down to watch one of those movies about gay vampires.
While we are on the subject of The Terminator I am sure you will all remember the scene in Terminator 2 where John Connor teaches the killer cyborg how to smile.
Now from my understanding the terminator is a seriously awesome bit of high-tech kit capable of learning things at a ridiculously fast rate. If such a machine wanted to learn how to smile it would surely be a simple task involving looking at a photo of someone smiling then just replicating it. After all we see the robot emulate other people’s voices in every Terminator movie.
Since Terminator 2 was made in an era when Hollywood was feeling the urge to include humour in every single movie some idiot decided that the high-tech killing machine would analyse a person’s smile and workout every single muscles required to replicate the gesture.
The result, a ridiculous gesture where Arnold decides to show his teeth (clearly pushing his acting ability to the limit) and demonstrate to the audience what he would look like if Robocop was fiddling with his component.
Not all creepy Arnold Schwarzenegger moments are blatantly obvious. Some of them require you to take a step back for a moment or two and ask yourself, “what they heck is going on there?”
Take the movie, Twins, for example. Twins was that movie Arnold made when he was trying his hand in comedy roles. So we do not bore you with by explaining the plot of the movie I will just point out that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character is meant to be the twin of Danny DeVito’s character.
from a distance in the dark and covered with a blanket you can see the resemblance
Now you tell me, what the hell is wrong with any universe where Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are even related let alone twins? Sure they are not identical twins but you have to wonder what sort of depraved sexual things were Arnie and Danny’s great-grandparents involved in to produce such a varied genetic bloodline?
I can only assume that their great-grandfather made love to a midget body builder by the name Ralph from Russia.
Hercules in New York Bear Fight
If I were to describe to you a movie scene where a woman shouts the words “Oh, Hercules”, as her lover fights a bear you could be forgiven for thinking that I was describing a scene from a low budget German adult movie. Believe it or not but I am actually describing a scene from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first ever movie, Hercules in New York.
sadly the guy who played the bear was not credited
One second Arnold is riding in a horse drawn carriage with his lover then the next he jumps from the carriage and begins to fight a bear. Arnold really takes the scene seriously but everyone knows that it is just a guy in a furry suit. Unless of course bears, really did fight like a heavyweight boxer back in the 1970’s.