If you happen to be lucky enough to have a job there is every chance that you are working a job you are less than passionate about. After all there are very few people who are lucky enough to have a job that they truly love.
So, what do we do when we are bored at work wishing there was some way we could break free of our boring existence? We do what everyone else does and that is fantasising about jobs that we would rather have other than our own. The thing is normal there is probably no job that out there that anyone would truly love all of the time so that is why we fantasise about fictional jobs that seem really awesome. Unfortunately even fictional jobs are as awesome as they might appear.
The job of a Ghostbuster is not actually all that hard to get if the hiring process in the movie is anything to go by. All you need is to tell the woman interviewing you that you will believe in anything if it has a regular pay check in it and you’re good to go. Oh, and you need to follow the one simple rule every Ghostbuster should know: Don’t cross the streams.
In reality the job of a Ghostbuster is very similar to being a glorified exterminator only instead of hunting down small rodents and cockroaches you will get to play with nuclear powered proton accelerators and chase after ghosts. On top of that you are pretty much the first, last and only port of call for anyone who happens to have a haunting on their hands so that entitles you to run around any building tipping over tables and blasting lasers in to anything you see fit.
If that is not enough you will also become somewhat of a celebrity with the media swarming all over you for an interview or to have you endorse their product.
Why the Job Sucks
Well, first off there is the fact you are highly likely to get slimed by a big green blob of a ghost then there is the chance of getting attacked by the tallest stay puff marshmallow man you could imagine and then get attacked by a medieval painting. You can also throw in to this equation the whole likelihood that you are going to end up in jail or court for one reason or another. Oh, and there is the small matter of carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on your back.
When you think about the job of Ghostbuster certainly carries a huge amount of risk for a pay check which will be lucky if it meets minimum wage.
It is not just anyone who can become Jedi knight. Before you can even dream of this job you must have the genetic attributes to make that possible. That means you are going to need a very high midi-chlorian count so you can access and use the force at will.
Other than the high midi-chlorian count you will be required to undergo a huge amount of training but once you are trained you basically have a job that is basically a combination of police officer, warrior monk and high school guidance councillor.
You’ll be able to move things around using only the power of thought, read people’s minds, predict the future and even use mind control on the weak minded. The icing on the cake is the lightsaber you will be able to use and carry around with you wherever you go.
Why the Job Sucks
Although the job of Jedi Knight may actually seem like it could be the greatest job in the entire galaxy there is plenty there to make this job suck big time.
Firstly you are going to find yourself constantly fighting against temptation from the Dark Side like you would not believe. I am sure you all remember that scene when Qui-Gon Jinn uses the Force to manipulate the dice and win a bet on Tatooine. Do you really think that you could resist the temptation to win all of your bets on your next visit to Las Vegas?
Then there is the small matter of Jedi Knights having to practise celibacy. Could you really resist that urge for the rest of your life? The only way around this is for you to run off and get married in secret but just look at how that scenario wound up. Is Natalie Portman worth having to live the rest of your life wearing a leather and rubber black suit?
Billionaire Playboy and Secret Vigilante Crime Fighter
If you take on this job then you are in the same ranks as guys like Batman, Iron Man and Green Arrow. You don’t even have to have been born on the planet Krypton or suffer a bite from a genetically modified spider to do this job. You just need to be a regular guy who happens to have billions of dollars to his name.
Once you have those billions of dollars you just need to invest some of it in developing some kick-ass gadgets and you are good to go. You get to wear a really cool outfit, play with some of the most amazing gadgets imaginable, drive unbelievable vehicles and get to run around beating up bad guys.
That is before we even go into the fact the job can put you on the front page of Time Magazine and give you the opportunity to flirt with women in rubber cat suits. Not only that if things get a little bit too much and you fancy some time for yourself you have a secret alter ego to hide behind who happens to be a billionaire. When it comes to jobs is there any job cooler?
Why the Job Sucks
When people decide that they want to become a secret crime fighter they always seem to forget about the dangers they are going to be facing. Take Batman in Gotham City for example. Gotham City could easily be one the most dangerous places on the planet making Afghanistan look like Disney Land. By that I mean we are not just talking about your standard type of bank robber or bad guy. Oh no, we are talking about some really hard-core criminal masterminds who seem to get drawn to Gotham like flies round a dog turd.
On top of the criminal masterminds that live in Gotham city there is the small fact that they are all after your blood and most of the city’s officials are corrupt. That sort of pressure is enough to have even the most mentally stable rubber suit lover to reach for the Prozac.
If you are lucky the very best outcome you can hope for is your superhero, crime fighting alter ego will take the blame for some bad guy’s crimes.
Even if you take all of the bad guys and corrupt officials out the equation you are still actually breaking the law by been a vigilante and the cops will be looking to arrest you for your crime fighting efforts regardless of how much safer you make the city.
On a final note just consider your chances of survival if you become a secret crime fighting vigilante. It is only going to take one wrong move or one piece of faulty equipment when you are jumping off tall buildings and you are toast.
Whichever way you look at things there is a very high probability that you are going to end up dead, in a full body cast or in prison. Is any job worth that risk especially when you are not getting paid?
Stalker in The Running Man
Who would not want the job of a Stalker like you saw in the movie The Running Man? The job basically consists of running around chasing down convicted criminals whilst waving a chainsaw around and beating them to death with a razor sharp hockey stick. On top of that you are worshipped by the masses and get paid huge amounts of money. Sure, you have to dress up like a drunken wrestler but that is a small price to pay for riches and fame. This job is like you are a rock star only with a suit made from lights and a nappy.
Why the Job Sucks.
Basically if you take on the job of “stalker” you are really just a glorified public executioner and that in itself is going to make it difficult to form relationships outside of work. You might get the occasional one night stand just because of who you are but how many people are going to wish to have a relationship of any description with a guy who kills people for a living?
Then of course there is the extremely dangerous nature of the job. You are running around chasing the most dangerous criminals in the world whilst waving a chainsaw or firing a flame thrower. This is not a safe practice to be involved in and it is well reported in the movie that several Stalkers were killed.
There is certainly no health and safety in this workplace and if you are unfortunate enough to die whilst at work there is every chance that you r boss will cover the whole thing up just to get higher ratings of a television show which is designed solely to hide the actions of a tyrannical government.
Crusading Newspaper Reporter
The job of crusading newspaper reporter could indeed be the easiest job on our list. You get to land all the top stories which make you the greatest reporter in the world and if you happen to get yourself in to any situation deemed the slightest bit dangerous there is always going to be a lycra clad superhero that will show up at the last moment to save the day.
You also have the added bonus of your boss giving you what totally free rein to do as you please and despite the fact you probably only earn around $25,000 a year you still have an apartment bigger and better than the one in Friends and a car which Tom Cruise would struggle to afford.
As a final bonus the very nature of your job gives you a front row seat and invite to any huge event or party that happens in the world from celebrity get together to space shuttle launch.
Why the Job Sucks
Unfortunately in real life the job of crusading reporter is nowhere near as cool or as easy as it is in the movies. News stories are not just going to fall into your lap and the only way to find them is through painstaking and should destroying detective work and research.
Any story that happens to be looking at anything even slightly illegal is going to put you face to face with criminals and corrupt government officials who will be quite happy to kill you if it means it stops you publishing your story.
Just the fact that you happen to be best buddies with the local superhero also means that you are going to be a target of all the crazy criminals who will use you as live bait.